sweet disaster, or cursing miracle?

Day 1 of n of screwed up

2011-05-12T15:39:00.000+01:00

Went to see the shrink. Woke up at 6pm in the morning, not very fun. I took a freaking cab (bad mistake!) and it was already congested on the road. WTF? I could have gone by the train and it would have cost me 1/8 of the cab fare. I had to wait for about an hour (fucking no appointment system in this country? Vraiment?) for him to see me. Annoying people in the waiting area. He talked too much I think. He has the sleaziness of most Oriental men do. I was skeptical. He spent about 40% of the consultation time talking about him/his clients, and less about me. My point is, even if I wasn't comfortable enough to share my emotions (he is, practically a stranger), but it might help if he could just cease talking about non-related matters less. Who give a shit to what Malaysian's medical industry is or has become?

After an hour (maybe more, I lost count. I figured it wasn't the best thing to look at my watch when I was under observation), I was given some mood stabiliser and Lexapro. Well, thank god I am taking them at night. I'd be dreaded if I have to do it all over again, in the morning. Citalopram didn't give me a very good experience when I wanted to get back to them again. The dozing off, the dizziness that happened when I was at work, all are still pretty fresh to me.

I hate medicine. I really do. It screwed me up completely when I had to have a whole half year of medication to kill TB. If it hadn't happened, I wouldn't have developed bronchitis and asthmas, and depression and anxiety to follow. That, is the biggest environmental trigger.

And have I told you that I really hate pharmaceutical companies? They squeeze every possible pennies out from you (a patience) to boast their earning per share. And this is important to the companies, to the investors. Because this is what investors care about. Nothing more, nothing less. And it makes me even more skeptical that you'd never know which doctors act on your interests. Especially this Lexapro is still in patent and will not expire until 2012. I was thinking to get some generic stuff online but I really have no guts to mess with my health anymore. It is £1+ per pill compared to 20-40p per pill for (maybe the generic) Citalopram? The cost now has become a concern, and not a small one. I have basically drained all my cash for this month after this clinic visit. Probably I should be thankful that I will only have to follow up (and get one a higher dose) next month, with more cash to burn and more stuff to get stressed over with.

One thing he said made my face twisted: Yes, if you are gonna leave this issue unsolved, your life is pretty much screwed up, as of NOW.

Uh, okay but if I kill myself now, at least I take the matter in my hands rather than leaving the issue unsolved. The solution is out. It's probably simpler than a calculus problem.

Pros, I was kinda told that I might be able to see some improvement within a week after taking the pills. Afterall, I am starting off now with half of the dosage of what I used to take. And not to forget the small bottle of magic water called the mood stabiliser. My life is full of pills. No punts intended.

Cons, weight gain. That's not gonna be as severe as contraception I think. Loss of libido, it doesn't matter me too much, as long as it doesn't kill my drive to train like a machine. Nausea, not very funny but it didn't happen to me before. Dizziness...blah blah blah.

Maybe it is a good idea to start up a diary just to make monitoring easier. Self help is so important in this stupid situation. The shrink used a metaphor of hypertension. Well, it kinda worked. But I have no clue how long this will last. Seriously.

Today's achievement: Did a proper training on TRX. Burnt more than 500kcal. The sun was scorching, the floor was dirty and tough and I ended up in dirt all over my body. Nonetheless, satisfaction and fun. The park is up in the north which I haven't been like for almost 10 years. Things have changed so much. Conclusion: my muscles have actually started to ache (leftover from Tuesday Power Plate training, I wonder what I did that killed my muscles, which I haven't experienced for a long while) after the session, hopefully I would wake up, fresher. Acupuncture was as painful as usual. Well, maybe more today. I stink, I smelled but ah well, I felt good.

Sent off the application form. Still to follow up. Sit down and revise portfolio on Saturday. Probably start sketching again. It will be one of those rare Saturdays that I wouldn't spent running around the city.

Not such a good thing...well, I procrastinated my divorce papers. I just don't think I can, or I want to deal with those idiots of the divorce management firm.

-End of day 1 of medication-

P/S: I don't wanna wake up every hour like last night, please!

C'est tout.

2011-04-05T09:34:00.003+01:00

I think I can safely say that I no longer update this blog anymore? Or maybe when I have something really personal. But then I again, I can talk to someone...

If you are interested, you can head to the new (not so new since it has been created) site on Wordpress :)

Kiwi!

2010-06-17T04:00:00.002+01:00

Aww, my friend just showed me this and I think this is simply awesome. A simple fable. Sometimes we are too busy and hung up on our lives hence forget what matters to us.

Hopefully, this will bring back the little innocence left in you.

Enjoy x

Dilemma

2010-05-17T16:13:00.004+01:00

Is it more sensible to: pay an extra amount for the name of the joaillerie (note, not bijoux) OR pay the same amount to get more out of the jewellery, in this case, gold?

I was browsing for la bague, oui, la bague. I then stumbled upon Cartier (well, I wanted to go in to have a look at their love collection tbh), I love the weight of the rose gold ring! Of course, the one without diamond. I had had a look at other jewellers but they all felt very flimsy and the finishes are all very poor. The band has the thickness of less than 2mm, can you believe it?!

Isn't it lovely? It is designed as a unisex ring, so both parties are able to wear it. I know nowadays it is fashionable to wear white gold/platinum (according to my mum) but I still think for my very warm skin tone it is better to wear gold, despite the fact that most people think it is tacky. Platinum/white gold is just way too harsh but it might look better on paler European skin?

Another item that I am absolutely in love with (which is not available in Mikimoto, Pavilion KL)...

Yes I am a sucker for pearls! It is organic, it doesn't have the stain of blood all over it, why not? I still have no idea why diamonds are girls' best friends!

Shame it doesn't come in gold (it is in a white gold band though)...I think the purple/pink stone would go very well with a gold band.

Damn I so want to wear it and show it off in front of la "bit-ach" to take the piss and to shut her mouth up!

Sales, sales, sales...

2010-05-07T11:28:00.005+01:00

I must admit that when I saw this news, I almost shouted. Damn, it's L'Oreal sales. And it is one day only. From what I saw (from some blogger's report of last year event, the number of people attending/queuing in the venue just put me off. Seriously, it LOOKS much worse than THE Harrods' sales (at least most people who were queuing from what I saw were queuing for the designers' bags, and the fragrances as well...)

I love Shu Uemura, I have almost every brushes they have on the shelves, I have one of the best customer-makeup artist relationship with Shu in Harvey Nichols. I recognise their faces and I know who is the good one and who is in power. I was even given the LE train case (Shu by Mika holiday 2008 Christmas collection) as a Christmas present. So what else can I ask for?

Giorgio Armani. I knew the GA manager well (in Selfridges) and I was given a lot of insider tips from here. It was still in the early age since Armani cosmetics was founded and I was really into it around 2007. Then I fell out of love with it. One note, I found the price in Paris (even after the horrible exchange rate between € and £) was much cheaper.

Kiehls...this is one thing I am looking to venture in but I don't think at this time with the limited resources I have, I am able to do that.

L'Oreal group has recently acquired YSL Beaute. However, I don't think YSL will be offered in the sales tomorrow.

Lancome...I can live without it.

Plus, I have asked Monsieur A to bring me a list of something (mostly from Chanel and Dior)...so I don't think it is justifiable for me to go on another spree.

The guilt of letting the sales slip away between my fingers is just eating me away! *Argh!*

Sales are for the middle class...

2009-12-29T16:25:00.006Z

And the upper class do not hit Harrods around this fanatic time. Where do they go? They are mostly enjoying the sun in the Caribbean's, skiing away in some resorts and get pampered later...or, hunting in the wild?

For the first time I headed out on Boxing Day (last year I was boxing, yes, packing up around Christmas time), went to Harrods, coincidently, had their sales started on Boxing Day as well (they didn't usually start until the 28th, feeling the pinch now maybe?), triumphed the store (or not at all)...and left with some Myla and Princesse Tam Tam. I had all the Clarins half-priced skincare in my hands, and was too proud and pissed off, left them all and headed straight up to the lingerie department. Nothing is better than having fine lingerie.

Lots and lots of Orientals (not exclusively but mostly) were queuing from probably god-forbidden hours until 3 in the afternoon...there was still a long queue, believe me. For what? For Gucci. I almost wanted to cry. I sent a text to my friend and he said: All I can say is this is a sad world.

I agree. After that I was pretty much tired of the whole sales scene. Tired of myself being one of those...however the weather on that day was pretty pleasant.

A friend was right, during sales you will always end up buying stuff that you don't really need.

Well, that's is true. Hence I went to Tod's for twice, looked at the long pretty boots twice, and still, didn't buy them. I am not a boots person, although that being said, everyone keeps insisting that every women should have a pair of long boots.

Well, every women should have a Chanel LBD, no?

This year X'mas venture, chronologically:

Burberry wool/cashmere trench in burgundy, the best buy of all

a set from Myla, a set from Princesse Tam Tam

Chloe eau de parfum

Missoni gloves, always always love the Missoni patern

a pair of purple suede heels from Tod's

two L'occitane moiturisers and two Paul & Joe whitening moisturisers...can't go wrong with half price.

A year ago I was still in between the high street scene and the designer scene...now, think I have shifted.

Till then. x

JImmy Choo for H&M, in this heavily raining London...

2009-11-14T09:12:00.004Z

Well, here are some photos! I live around High Street Kensington and I seriously didn't expect to see such a long queue! Damn, it's not like Jimmy Choo is having a clearance is it? Even so, I wouldn't have queued, just not that kind of person...but if it were Louboutin, maybe... :p

Well, bravo to H&M who did it again, and again...I much prefer the Commes des Garçons collaboration to be honest.

Have a look at the collection on Hennes' website.

The staff who was organising the queue tried to informed her colleague about me taking snapshots! :p I walked away elegantly before they could do anything :p

They are arranged according to time line...all taken within 5 minutes! :)

3 blocks, or more...I guessed there were more than 200 of them, two girls at the very front were there since last night 9pm! Amazing dedication (for a collaboration)!

Store opened, finally! :p The wait was finally over!

People are so happy, and yes, there were a few men! :p

I love human's dedication on stuff like this! <333

The connection between races and intelligence, is there any tangible connection?

2009-10-26T23:45:00.002Z

So I was watching this programme on Channel Four. They are doing a series of programmes related to race, the most avoided topic. The so-called Race: Science’s last taboo.
So what is race? What is racism?
There have been a fair few discussions throughout the 80 minutes programme with me and my flatmate. He is a biologist, a true believer of science and will only accept science as the fundamentals of life.
I am a statistician and the way we work is we draw a hypothesis, if we can’t prove it wrong then the hypothesis stands. It sounds silly but this is just the way it works.
Of course I am not saying that there is a direct correlation between race and intelligence. People tend to do generalisation without actually examining the more complicated processes of it, such as up-bringing, environment, nutrition, etc. We do this because it is simply easier to accept the concept, like the profiling methods used in HR and management. We pigeonhole people because it is easier to categorise people and manage them. Individualism just doesn’t work, especially in big organisation.
My flatmate was actually quite shocked when he was watching the programme. While on another hand, this is like something casual we talk across the dining table. It didn’t affect me what so ever, it just confirm more to me that a lot of people are simply ignorant and are happy being so.
I am not white, I am coloured. If you define racism as having opinion on people of different colours, then I might be a racist according to this definition. I only read facts and interpret from them, nothing more nothing less. I do not hold any emotions or grudges toward people who “look” different from me. So am I racist or not?
It is so sterile here and people are so afraid to voice their opinions especially when it comes to this taboo. If people can acknowledge the underlying factors of the relevant matters, then perhaps there would be less dumb ass like Nick Griffin. I simply couldn’t believe there is someone like him out there and being a leader of a political party? You must be joking me.
It’s sad but it is true that the society is not made up by intellects. Intellects are not the majority of the society. If so then George Bush wouldn’t have been the president of the United States.
I believe there is no absolute objectiveness in people, everyone is subjective to some extends, and this is all relative.
So why don’t you complain or moan when you see posters in your local GPs such as: if you are of such and such “ethnic groups”, you are of higher risk of this disease? SO it is OK to compromise when there is something beneficial to yourself, i.e. more researches to seek the root of genetical influenced diseases so it can be cured eventually?
People are just all selfish at the end of the day.